


Ice Cream Thieving Couple

by batterwitch_dumb_basses



Series: Six Months [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: EriSol - Freeform, Humanstuck, M/M, bee puns, ice cream thieves, kanaya mad at sollux, karkat IS NOT A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 16:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3943609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batterwitch_dumb_basses/pseuds/batterwitch_dumb_basses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux is still scared of Kanaya. <br/>Also ice cream stealing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ice Cream Thieving Couple

Karkat sighed over his strawberry ice cream as he sat opposite Sollux. For fuck’s sakes. He was not a marriage counsellor or anything like that, but he’d somehow let himself be dragged here by Sollux, who was panicking about Kanaya ripping his nose off and feeding it to him, and other things. Honestly. Noses would be the least of his problems if he really was in trouble. He tried to reason with Sollux for the fifth time.

“Look, if Kanaya hurts you, it’ll be if you hurt Eridan. As far as I know, that’s the last thing you actually want to do, so—“

“Doeth not buying him hair dye count ath hurting? FUCK! I’M DEAD!” Sollux looked panicked again before whimpering and curling up in his chair. Karkat tried to remember a good reason why he shouldn’t just dump the little pot of honey ice cream in front of Sollux on the aforementioned idiots head, before sighing. Supportive. Just keep being supportive.

“Kanaya lives with Eridan, remember? If he’s in need of hair dye, she tends to buy it. Calm down. She isn’t going to rip off your dick, is she?” He thought for a minute when a scared noise emitted from the tiny curled up body his idiot friend had become, and then shrugged. “Eridan will surely still love you even if she does, okay?”

Sollux uncurled to eat his ice cream, sliding a paper sheet across to Karkat, who read through it with increasing horror.

“Shit, you’re screwed. Do you want me to ask Eridan if he wants to talk her out of this? Fuck, no, I take that back. _You_ go to _your_ boyfriend and ask him to talk Kanaya out of her rage. I’ll go with you when you ask, but that is my limit. That’s my fucking final level of involvement. I’m very attached to all my body parts, and I don’t know about you, but I would actually like to stay that way rather than undergo painful torture for not minding my beeswax.” Karkat licked his spoon clean quickly.

Sollux nodded. “ I don’t want to make KN more angry than thith, KK. ED might listen to you and then we’d have a double pleading reacharound.” He grinned slightly at his own pun. “Heh.”

“Fuck yes. Also if you so much as touch my ice cream I will vaporise you with the sheer force of my rage.” Karkat glared at him.

“I wathn’t doing anything!” Sollux protested, hand a few inches away from Karkat’s ice cream pot. Karkat jabbed at his hand until it retreated, Sollux grumbling at the failed stealing attempt.

“If you thieve ice cream, Kanaya will definitely beat you to death with your arm, Captor.” Karkat hoarded the ice cream close to him, before blinking at someone over Sollux’s shoulder, before the someone wrapped their arms around Sollux, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Hey, babe, I thought I spotted you! I w-was just in the neighbourhood delivering some roses for Porrim and I w-was w-walking back and here you w-were!” Eridan cooed, before looking over to Karkat, somewhat surprised.

“Oh, hey, Kar. W-What’s up?” He looked down at Sollux whose eyes were rather tearful.

“W-what’s w-wrong--“

“FORGIVE ME!” Sollux wailed loudly, clutching Eridan’s waist in a tight grip that produced a strangled noise from Eridan, who looked over to Karkat in panicked confusion, who snorted and took a picture on his phone before clearing his throat.

“Kanaya threatened to rip his dick off if he hurt you,” he told him, and Eridan sighed loudly, petting Sollux’s hair gently.

“I promise not to let her hurt you, Sol, okay?” He sneaked his hand towards Sollux’s ice cream, only to have it slapped away by Karkat.

“Dammit, is that why he does it? Seriously, Eridan?! Have some compassion for a threatened man! And he’s your boyfriend, I mean, come on!” Karkat snapped at him. Eridan looked sulky and Sollux looked up at him slowly.

“Did you theriouthly try to thteal my ithe cream?” he asked, and Eridan flushed red.

“W-what, no…” he protested, and Sollux snorted. “Fibth. Go get your own, you filthy thief.”

Eridan stuck his tongue out at him, sloping off towards the counter and digging in the pocket of his jeans to find the money. Karkat thumped his head on the table repeatedly with an angry noise, until Sollux’s hand stopped him.

“What’th wrong with you?”

“I’m stuck with the ice-cream thieving couple and _DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST SWIPE MY ICE CREAM POT YOU PIECE OF TRASH?! GIVE IT BACK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!”_


End file.
